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Sunday, 03 January 2010
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Skeletons in my closet.
2257
I used to have this idealistic view that you could tell your the people closest to you about anything and everything, without holding anything back. Without any ill effects. To be totally at ease pouring your whole heart out.
But that's not the case in reality, is it? I find myself biting back my tongue, holding back the words, the thoughts I want others to hear. To help me understand and help me find solace. But these thoughts, these words.. can never see the light of the day. Yeah, its those kinda words which have the power to utterly destroy.. set in motion a chain of events which would irrevocably and irreversibly change.. many many things.
Idealism has no place in a cruel world like this one.
Sighs. Nevermind I'll stop here already, eh.
Saturday, 02 January 2010
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Read the letter you got from the memory girl
0726
I don't exactly have a subject to talk about, a point of focus for this blog entry, so I'm just going to do this the old school method, to type whatever comes into my mind, and see how much I can write.
So, 2010's here and it doesn't feel different a single bit. Well, but how I celebrated the countdown was vastly different from any other year. Haha, got dragged to supperclub by wang, together with elwin and some old VS/MJC friends I haven't seen for a very, very long time. First thing that struck me was that, whoaaaa they've all changed so much!! Haha oh well. I think I still look the same from my secondary 4 days la. Urgh. Anyway, the countdown there was quite crappy to be perfectly honest. Nothing as spectacular as east coast or marina or whatever. Was damn boring, till we went over to the other room where more respectable music was playing (helloo! trance sucks please!), opened bottle, got high and did the usual clubbing stuff. Haha. But the company was great la I have to say, though it could have been better with more girls? Heh. Clubbing experience number 4. Still doesn't make me wanna get addicted to clubbing.
Anyway that's not the point of this entry, I think.
The relationship problems one guy had that I heard about further strengthens my resolve not to have a girlfriend, period. Seriously, I don't think its worth it, all that crap and nonsense. I'm guilty, I've suffered. Rose coloured glasses violently ripped off my face. So yeah, looking all around, seeing further manifestations of such shit, just makes me even more determined. We'll see.
Haha shit crap la, I'm running out of things to talk about. Blah attempt fail! ):
Another time, maybe.
Thursday, 31 December 2009
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The dawn is breaking.
0951
Okay, just got back from my last duty of the year. Tiring, I tell you. 3 alternate duties in a row is seriously no joke. I don't know how some of my guard 2ics can do 4, 5 alternate. Will die la omg. Haha.
Anyway, its the end of the year again! Like finally, right? This year seemed to be so long, so drawn out, an eternity in a year. So much has happened, but at least I'm proud to say that I feel this is the year where I've achieved the most, accomplished the most. Okay, brain not exactly working from the lack of sleep, so I'll just do the standard end of year reflection/quiz thingy, and save the deep thoughts for later or tonight.
Right, so here goes.
10 Years Ago, I...]1. primary 6!
2. expeditions to explore all the 'secret places' (read; water tanks, rooftop access, electrical switchboard rooms). exciting stuff for a 11 year old kid.
3. psle year. got locked in the tv cabinet as a joke by friends after the last paper. for more than 2 hours. till one of them kindly set me free.
4. started getting close to her.
5. bunch of us attempted to stop a friend from smoking. confiscate cigarettes, ended up smashing the whole class. i can still remember myself shouting, "where's my screw, i want my screw back!!!' why did i say that, i can't remember. HAHA.
[5 Years Ago, I...]
1. secondary 4F
2. record breaker, 2nd last in entire standard for mid-years, with an L1R5 of 40-something.
3. memorable mugging days with wang and elwin at SSC. damn shiok. (:
4. friends forced me to study, and for that i'll be eternally grateful, because without them i'll probably be in ITE (macpherson)
5. the year with the most scandals. hahahha i think it was 3. after which i got attached.
6. 40-something for mid-years, 34 for prelims, 18 points for Os. (:
[3 Years Ago, I...]
1. SAJC, baby!! :D
2. gave ms ng a whole pile of bullshit when she was interviewing me for my appeal. 'oh i've always wanted to go to SA! its been my dream since primary school!' '1st choice SAJC!' reality : i NEVER wanted to go to SAJC, and the school wasn't even in any of my choices for JAE. HAHAHAHA. SORRY MS NG! i didn't wanna stay in SRJC all for you laaaaa. But in the end I still fell in love with SAJC so I guess it doesn't matter afterall? heh.
3. 'whooaaaa who's that chiobu?' Okay stay on after the interview, get more chances to talk to her. Pretend i'm waiting for a friend. ha!
4. 06A5, best class ever!!!
5. back to choir again, Saints Chorale. Wonderful times.
[2 years ago, I...]
1. fucked up year. hahahaha.
2. final SYF of my life. tho we only got silver, you guys are a gold choir in my heart. (:
3. i'm sorry for all the shit that happened. ):
4. A levels! chui. aha. hopefully this time will make amends for it.
5. east coast cycling trips with the class. watching planes take off and land at the airport. ahhhh, bliss.
[A Year Ago, I...]
1. enlisted in the army! botak hair boy. heh.
2. had a damn eventful year. the most eventful of my life. SISPEC, taiwan, BMT, outfield and so on..
3. nearly froze to death in the bitterly cold, rainy mountains of taiwan.
4. became a 3SG. INFANTRY!
5. would have rather gone to tekong, but i guess i'm fine where i am. at least its 8-5! haha.
6. would never have thought i'd be an RP spec, but.. here i am.
[So Far This Year, I...]
1. have achieved the most!
2. retook my A levels. i really really really hope i'd do well enough to enter a local uni.
3. learnt guitar wooohooooo! now i can play and sing! FUN!
4. have learnt how to be a leader. crucial life skill, really.
5. I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS!!!!!! especially those choir/a5 people. loves loves many! :D
[Yesterday, I....]
1. was in camp.
2. did my last duty of the year. not very happening la.
3. played with marco, scary big black dog that's capable of biting my hand off. looks like some mountain bear, no joke.
4. slept for 5 hours. thanks adrian for taking most of the desk details!
5. felt sian that i still need to do duty even though i'm going to ORD!
6. gave guard mounting.
[Today, I ....]
1. have just been called back to camp by my dearest RSM for some stuff which doesn't even need me at all. his idea of punishment for something very very minor? well, he didn't say what time to return, so i'm just gonna reach camp at 1145, show face for a while, and head home with the rest of the camp at 12. idea right.
2. feel abit irritated at my RSM for calling me back. but screw it. its the new year, and ORD LOH.
3. am sitting down in front of the computer typing this thingy. MY BRAND NEW COMPUTER HA!
4. am waiting for the new year.
5. a little worried that my RSM would punish the guys because we specs slacked off a little. Meh. I think its cos I haven't been to my own camp for too long alr, sighs! so many duties! why must i always be the one to ensure everything. ):
[Tomorrow I will...]
Just like last year, I have no idea what I'm going to do tomorrow. Shall let spontaneousity take its course. Eh, is there even such a word? (copied word for word from last year's. haha)
.:: p e o p l e a r o u n d m e ::.
Your mum is - a total workaholic. take a chill pill mummy!
Your dad is - aging already. can see the years taking their toll on him. ):
Your sister is - please please please buy more dresses! you're grown up alr! no more jeans and t shirt! hahahahaha. :P please ah, uni next year okay!
Your brother is - going to VJC! hopefully.
Your crush is - i have no idea who my crush is actually. i'm like, eh, is she my crush? or her? or no? no crush?
Your grandma is - getting more and more naggy leh. to the point of irritation. mehhhh. i know i know. i feel bad too. ):
Your grandpa is - downstairs reading the newspapers.
Your teachers have - i don't have any teachers! i've become the teacher instead. old bird already. haha.
.:: s t u f f t h a t i h a v e ::.
Your school bag is - future school bag, CRUMPLER ORANGE AND GREY BIG BIG ONE! THANK YOU PEOPLE!!! :D
Your pencil case is - the same one i've been using since sec 3. ha.
Your PC is - A NEW ONE! MUACKS JERWEEEEE!
Your wallet is - birthday present from my camp mates. appreciate it really! (:
Your camera is - uhh. Panasonic DMC-FX33. shared camera tho. ha.
Your mobile is - an extremely extremely battered nokia 3100. my mum's old phone. NEXT YEAR CHANGING! to what i dunno yet. haha.
Your books are - i got plenty
Your sunglasses is - i still no have
Your towel is - i still have a few
Your teddy is - hahahha yes, still my banana, birthday present from 3 years back.
Your clock is - fcuk watch from wang elwin cy and the rest. THANKS GUYS! (:
.:: w h a t i m w e a r i n g n o w ::.
Your shirt is - army admin tee
Your shorts/trousers is - army running shorts
Your shoes are - white and orange pumas, shades of brown and white pumas. (same as last year, but now I've got army boots and army PT shoes) still no change from last year, but i'm gonna buy a pair soon. saw this damn nice ones at queensway. ha.
Your underwear is - still the same one from yesterday's duty. hahaaha haven't showered yet la!
Your jacket is - my prom blazer from zara!
Your socks are - all in my cupboard lah.
Your belt is - bought from Taiwan. (:
Your mind is - getting more sian that i gotta go back camp.
*Summary Of Year 20091) Was 2009 a good year for you?
yes it was. a great year. (:
2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
i think it has to be my birthday week. (:
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
when RSM was fucking us.
4) Where were you when 2009 began?
haha at east coast. red flares and tooting of ship's horns!
5) Who were you with?
wah a whole bunch of people. sajc friends, friends of friends, siblings of friends? haha.
6) Where will you be when 2009 ends?
haha i have no idea. change of plans, waiting for people to update me.
7) Who will you be with when 2009 ends?
with my oldest friends. (:
8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2008?
I didn't make any resolutions. and i never will.
9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2009?
None.
10) Did you make any new friends in 2009?
haha yup sure did! mostly army people tho. but there's one person that kinda stands out from the rest..... no not army. ex-sajc. HAHA.
11) Who are your favorite new friends?
i'm not biased! i don't show favouritism! hahahaha. :P
12) What was your favorite month of 2009?
DECEMBER!!!
13) Did you travel outside the country in 2009? Where?
CRUISE WITH SAJC BUDDIES!
14) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
hahahaha who doesnt?
15) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2009?
wah shite, i can't remember already ahh..
16) What was your favorite songs from 2009?
can't really remember, but i'm moving more into mainstream eh. sad!
17) What was your favorite memory from 2009?
darkened BSO office, mattress down, talking heart to heart matters with youquan, my upperstudy. damn i miss him, seriously. other than that, sailing the oceans with my sajc friends! haha.
18) How many concerts did you see in 2009?
none. but i'm going to see The Killers next year! ha.
19) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2009?
my 21st birthday year, what do you think?
20) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2009?
i think i did take panadol on a few occasions..
21) How much money did you spend in 2009?
A-FUCKING-LOT
22) What was your proudest moment of 2009?
that i've got people coming to tell me my RPs are reliable, disciplined, and all that. a job well done for me and my fellow specs. (:
23) What are your plans for 2010?
well i can safely say that i've achieved what i said here last year, to get back up on my feet again and continue running. haha. so my plans for next year? to sustain the pace, and just keep running. (:
Sunday, 27 December 2009
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Currently
Beautiful Seed
By Corrinne May
Leaving
see relatedI'm leaving, leaving this path behind.
1902
So after so many months, back to blogging on my own computer in my own room. The feeling's great, really, being able to sit right back at the place where so many epic blog entries originated. Haha. But alas, the blogging feeling hasn't really come back yet. Perhaps I need another dark, stormy night with flashes of lightning on the horizon to kickstart those much neglected neurons in my head. Heh.
My birthday celebrations with my friends (and the presents! wooohoooo! :D) and the end of my A levels, coupled together with the fact that I have slightly more than a month before I ORD has made the month of December one of the best months I've had in recent memory. And as always, words can't accurately express the emotions that I have towards all these momentous events, as well as my gratitude and appreciation I have towards the people around me. Still, it hasn't always been that smooth sailing, and despite my best efforts, I can never manage to steer away from all the rough patches. Well, let's not talk about that now anyway.
On a side note, urgh seems that everytime I blog, my command of the English languages seems to be getting worse and worse. Deteriorating like crazy. chui.
Anywaaaaay! I met up with some really, really old friends today, people I haven't met in 4 years. Yeah, my church people. Got tricked and dragged into going for some church lunch christmas celebration thingy. Oh well. To be honest though, it wasn't half as bad. I mean, it was really really nice seeing them again, after so long, religion aside.
Yeah, I admit, I'm a sucker for reunions like that. What to do. If only Christianity wasn't involved huh. There's this girl (I can hear the moans and groans already. Yesyes.) I fell for (sorta) amongst them. Haha, I still felt a little twinge of attraction even just now. A reminder of the old times, certainly. They invited me to their yearly traditional countdown/anniversary celebration/service on the 31st, and for a moment I was half considering whether go make my way down. Seriously. For the friends, mind you, and not anything else. But... perhaps not hmm? I've chosen my path, and it lies on the other side of the fence.
God, if you're listening/reading this, I'm sorry. Honestly. Its just that Your ideals and mine differ in too many ways. A pity really, but that's the way it is.
My biggest worry now?
University admission. A level results. Sighs.
Also how some things just can't change no matter how much you fight against it. Yeah, talking about my emotions here. Haha. Its fucked, isn't it.
Oh goddammit. It just never ends.
Wednesday, 23 December 2009
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I want you to know.
0225
There something very, very comforting about listening to your ipod, sentimental music playing in your ears while you walk down a lonely, deserted road dead in the night, with the cool night breeze in your face.
Haha, yes very nice.
Pulse
gracelovesdrains
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- Name: gracelovesdrains
- Member Since: 10/13/2006
